With only a few weeks left to answer emails, I’m trying to get through the heavy ones first, some are not able to be posted on the blog as they are intensely personal for some folks (those I will reply to privately). There seems to have been something big going down in the world, that rocked a lot of stability for a good many people. There are significant similarities with some emails, which could mean folks are writing in because they are resonating with what’s been on the blog, or because there’s been a general upset in the lives of some folks that all bear a common set of themes.
Since I’m still a little rocked myself, still feeling like the rug was yanked out from under me and major revelations and restructuring are required to build a newer, healthier self – I feel for you all. It’s been a gnarly couple of months. I wish I had answers, I truly do. The best I can offer to some is that you’re not on this rollercoaster alone. There’s a lot of us in the midst of it. Mass consciousness evolution, so put your seatbelt on.
Some of the similar themes coming in are connected to re-birth, revolutions, inner-revolts, self-declarations, self-love and empowerment and changes in living circumstances, confronting the shadow-self and re-integration of lost pieces. There’s also a very strong theme for breaking away, tearing down outdated constructs, and personal liberation from self-made, or imposed ideas, judgments and ideals.
Love. Being loved. Courage. Independence.
These are all repeating in multiple levels in emails, on my feeds and in my social circles. Whatever is going on, is a large scale transformation – and as much as it’s incredibly uncomfortable to be a part of, it’s also really exciting. It’s a level up. It sucks, and can be really overwhelming and stressful, heartbreaking and frustrating – but the payoff will be worth it.
“Vulnerability is the price we pay for authenticity.”
Authenticity is infinitely worth the growing pains, the stretch marks, the bruises. Ultimately, the collapse of old structures indicates they were ready to come down, ready to be replaced. Nothing falls apart that isn’t already faulty – so it gives us the opportunity to re-examine the way something was built and decide to re-build it stronger and better, or walk away from the rubble and cut our losses.
Either choice is valid. Both are liberating and empowering.
And I for one, am still trying to figure out the right answers. Sifting through remains, sorting, weighing the potential. Deciding on a new course of action; whether that is waiting for the unfolding of more answers, or charting a path. There’s been so much revealed already, so many shadow behaviors, unhealthy patterns, dangerous relationship revelations, personal sacrifices and so on – I’m kind of at my limit on how much I can take without buckling. So I hope the Universe throws a bone soon, seriously.
I don’t have answers for anyone. I’m just a bumbling adventurer, quick to leap, fall, and come to at the bottom with a new story to tell. The only solace I’m able to find for myself at the moment, that may or may not help anyone else is an old trick I’ve used for ages that I call “The Cauldron”.
Whenever I lose my way, or go through a transformation that requires serious introspection and re-development, sometimes I get lost in the fog and can’t remember myself or where I ultimately want to end up. This trick is especially helpful because I generally know what I want at the END of a journey or adventure – but have no freakin’ idea how to get there, or what adventurous, convoluted path to take to find the most fulfilling journey between start and finish. (The journey is paramount).
A great time to do this is the new moon this weekend, as New moons are seed planting times, plant the wishes. Leo New moon is July 26th.
Anywhoo, The Cauldron is a bucket, or a Tupperware container. I take a full stack of post-it notes and a notepad. I label The Cauldron with a name, or a purpose: “Publishing House”, “Relationships”, “Body”, etc. Then when I’ve relaxed and I’m alone, grounded and my phone is turned off – I use an entire STACK of post-its and write one piece of experience/material/gift/desire on a post-it, fold it and toss it in the cauldron. It’s free thinking. There’s no limit, no judgment, no what-if, can’t afford, not possible. IT’s ALL POSSIBLE in the Cauldron. It’s meant to break down blocks, open idea pathways, sharpen desires and expand the reach of what you think you can have or accomplish in relation to that one topic. (Granted, you may never have it all, but even if you get half or what you want to experience – that’s pretty rad, right?)
Sometimes the free-flow goes great and I can whip out twenty or thirty ideas in one sitting, but then I run out of ideas and start to get distracted. When that happens I start including emotions I want to experience around the topic. Relationships= abundance, wellbeing, a sense of feeling lucky or blessed. etc.. They aren’t “things or actions so much as feelings. I do this exercise around all the topics until I’ve used up the whole stack of notes – sometimes it’s a stretch, other times I use two piles of post-its.
Then, I leave the cauldron for a few days or so, adding things as I think of them. When I feel like I’ve got my thoughts clear on what I’d like to do, have, experience, become, embrace and really enjoy out of that one topic – I sit down and transcribe them all onto a sheet of paper, and keep track of it. It’s astonishing how many of these things will actually make it into your daily experience or the experience of that one topic.
I think of these wishes as small prayers around the topic of my attention. Manifesting the world I want, relationship I want, the body I want, the career I want, etc.
It’s all about you – AT FIRST. The reason being that when you know what YOU want, you can work toward being authentic while helping others achieve what THEY want. No one is sacrificed unfairly when individuals are being authentic. But first you have to make your claims to yourself.
Sometimes I save the notes in a baggy, and other times, I burn them. Either way, I still have the notebook page to reference. I read it every week or so while meditating on the topic, and then when I feel like I’m ready to let the adventure unfold – I burn the paper or put it out of my mind. The destination has been secured – the journey is now ready to unfold with all manner of magical synchronicity and beautiful surprises.
The Cauldron allows me to formulate what’s mine and what my life should/could/might be if I want it – but first I have to claim the desire, then get out of the way.
It’s a totally selfish exercise – which it the point. It’s meant to be.
With how many emails and feed stories are coming in about people whose lives are falling apart around them, I can only surmise, there’s been a lot of self-sacrificing, and a lot of loss happening. People have compromised themselves in the name of love, and duty, obligation and structure at the expense of their own personal empowerment, or they’ve had things they treasure taken away abruptly. I get it. I’m a caretaker too. I totally understand the ease of slipping into the roll of managing for others, then forgetting to manage for yourself. I understand the sense of disorientation after the loss of an attachment. This will help you find yourself and what you want again – with a new perspective and new ideas.
This allows me to care take myself. It only takes a few hours to do one cauldron, and the empowerment lasts for months afterward. The knowledge that surprises, detours and progress toward your ultimate goal is being made, whenever you re-read your notes, allows you to remember that even if you lose some momentum while in the drudgery stages, you’re still getting there, still appreciate the journey and the little things along the way. Still experiencing the feelings, the emotions and the overall fun. Who knows, you might end up in the strangest places with the most interesting stories to tell.
Anyway, I hope this helps some people with clarifying their desires and what experiences they may want out of the next adventure, or even a re-built adventure 2.0. I plan to do several cauldrons this weekend for the new moon in my sign, to re-formulate my plans and adjust my desires to include all the new information I’ve uncovered in the last few weeks. Now that I’m bared, clearer and more revealed – my desires and goals have changed and some new directions are in order. The chaff has been separated… time to move forward with the newest, sharpest, healthiest intentions.
Here’s to new adventures, and the paths less traveled, and the wandering souls we meet along the way.
Good luck to you all. Your struggles are temporary. Your ultimate fulfillment will be infinitely worth it.
May you walk in beauty.