I sat at my desk most of the morning feeling sorry for myself. Some days I just feel overwhelmed and the self-pity is a salve that, while it momentarily helps, ultimately does nothing good for you.
I decided to get out and walk for lunch and stop by the coffee shop on my out of the building to grab an apple fritter.
Ilima, a beautiful young woman with a high voice asked how my acting classes were going. I mentioned I was almost done with the spring quarter and then I would be taking a break from school to travel.
Ilima: Really, how long are you going to travel?
Me: For as long as I can get away with it.
Ilima: Or until the money runs out?
Me: Yeah, pretty much.
Ilima: And your work is okay with that?
Me: Well, no… I quit.
Ilima: Oh.
On the track of doing wild soulful things, she went on to tell me how she bought a bass when she was unemployed. She said, “My life just hurt. So I decided to do things so my life wouldn’t hurt anymore.”
Wow! It was so simple and profound, I felt like a tremendous idiot.
I swear, for that moment I didn’t think I was nuts. I didn’t feel sorry for myself, because she was right. When your life is hurting you – DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
It’s that simple. Not easy, just simple. Now she’s in a band called, Enchanted 4st – view her site here http://www.myspace.com/forestfriends they’re playing at Lola’s on the 17th. http://www.mcmenamins.com/index.php?loc=64&id=145&eventid=36226
Here’s the part that blew my mind.
Three and a half years ago I met Ilima when we were both working for a Burlesque show called The Theatre Allumage. It was autumn 2002. One night before a show we were talking – at Lola’s Room no less – anyway. The conversation went something like this.
Ilima: So what do you do?
Me: I’m a writer.
Ilima: Really, what do you write?
Me: I just finished a screenplay.
Ilima: What’s it about?
Me: It’s about this girl, she’s a writer and she travels across country in a big jeep and writes about it. It’s a romantic comedy.
Ilima: Writers always write about writers.
Me: Well, they tell you to write what you know.
Shortly thereafter I had a disagreement with the director and left the show. I didn’t see Ilima again until I started working in this building. Only after I started planning my road trip – in my big jeep – did I remember that conversation almost four years ago.
As I write I have that sensation of being caught in a whirlpool. Going in circles and passing the same point from a different distance, speed or perspective – like a marker- the circles get tighter and faster… (then Croft will say something sarcastic about drains or toilets.) But the analogy still works. Damnit. I’ll make it work!
Today, thanks to Ilima, I hit a marker. Different perspective but it’s all part of the same picture, one I’ve seen before. So this little moment in space-time made sense. I’m right where and when I should be.
If you’re in PDX and want to see a show Monday night, hit up Lola’s Room and shout for Ilima and the Enchanted 4st when they open for ex-girls. http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/3262
Happy Circling.
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