this is what my life has come to…

I think I got some sun today.  Although I suspect that sunscreen on the head would not go amiss.  Anyhow, my legs are blindingly white.  I’m not a tanner, I’m a burn-into freckle spaziness kind of skin tone.  So now that spring is here – let the freckling begin.

As I was walking up the stairs to the parking garage last night I overheard a couple of women talking…

               A: So how was your date?      

I didn’t hear the immediate response as the stairwell is outside and I turned up a flight, they soon caught up to me because, well, I’m slow and out of shape.

               B: Then he farted.

               A: (Gasp) Oh no!

There was a pause and I slowed down so I could continue to shamelessly eavesdrop.

               A: (in a very sympathetic voice) Did you hear it or smell it?

               B: (miserably) I smelled it.

By now I was fairly crawling up the stairs trying desperately to stretch my hearing, while covering my mouth to keep from laughing.

               A: What did you do?

They turned off on the flight below me. And for a brief moment I was disappointed, then I heard.

               A: I think we’re up one more.

Oh thank god.  I could continue to listen.  I stopped so they could turn the next set of stairs. All I could think about was – this is me living vicariously through other people because I have no life, and I’m just glad that fart or not, my life for the moment sounded better than hers.

               B: Then we’re standing on the corner waiting for the light to change and this toothless homeless lady comes up to him and says “Are you my man?”

               A: (disbelieving) What?

               B:  She said she was supposed to meet her man on that corner at that time.  She seemed pretty convinced.

               The voices were getting closer, and I knew at any moment I would be caught so I scurried up another corner and waited.
               A: What did he do?

               B: He said he’d tell the guy she showed up – I think she believed him because she left.

               A: Wow.

I was busted.  They rounded the bend where I was standing and I pretended to be out of breath before I realized it was actually my floor. 

So, yeah, this is what my life has come to. The good news is I think I’m about ready to get back out there and get my very own farting, toothless baglady magnet.  Yay, me.