I’ve taken a few days off from pounding at my manuscript. When I did a goddess card spread earlier this week I got this: Mental Crisis – take time out. Emotional Play – take time for fun & Physical Ecstasy - remember to do things that make you feel ecstatic. Just to back up what my cards were saying I drew from a different deck and got: Rapture – you need to do what makes you feel rapture. Patience – all things are timing & the Feminine Holy Grail – honor your feminine self.
I never tend to think I’m working too hard. I always think I can do more, be better, push harder. One day as I came upstairs for a coffee refill my upstairs roommate said, “Oh, you’re alive. Did you come out of your room long enough to see the sun yesterday? I was starting to worry about you.”
I laughed and took my coffee downstairs while thinking, “Oh, my god… I totally don’t even know what day it is. There was sun?” I’d been hammering away at the computer, eating snack foods with one hand and typing with the other, wearing the same set of clothes three days in a row because laundry would stop me from working…
So Monday I started my vacation right after my extension was granted. I watched movies, did laundry, went on a walk – my god it was like heaven. Who know laundry could be so fulfilling? Yesterday I knew I should get back to it, but for the life of me, I just couldn’t make myself do it. So in an effort to procrastinate I made a couple of mixed CD’s for the road. A little Queen, some Pink Floyd, a dash of Aerosmith and a hint of yes, Depeche Mode.
Driving out to visit Jeffy and Mistress Sara I blasted the music and had the wind in my hair and thought – ah, this is rapture. How could I have forgotten? So I wondered, what things are absolutely vital to my ability to thrive, feel alive and flourish? What are they and why haven’t I been doing them? It’s not like they take up that much time – I mean a trip on the freeway with a good soundtrack maybe an hour, or an hour and a half. A bubble bath. An hour. A trip to the craft store just to look around? An hour tops.
After a fantastic dinner with friends I stopped at Target and told myself I could pick out a stack of scrapbook paper. One of my emotional-mental necessities is scrapbooking. Tearing paper, mixing colors, framing and inking. I shipped all my supplies to Pha because I didn’t want them to distract me from working. But last night I realized that my ability to write, to be balanced and creative means all my creative parts are deeply intertwined. My one stack of paper turned into two albums and a basket full of stickers and embellishments. I came home and spread it all out on the floor and scrapped till four am.
I don’t know what this says about me, but I woke up this morning feeling like I’d just had a satisfying night of hot steamy sex. Like I could have smoked a cigarette and given a lazy yawn, winked at the neighbor and said, “Yeah, I was up all night with my scrapbook – what were you doing?”
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