PimplePunk hits too close to home

I drove to Portland today to get my braces tightened.  Hopefully for the last time, as I’ve scheduled another debanding date for the 15^th of Sept.  Cross your fingers, I might be able to chew gum again soon!
It was a quickie visit to the city and a much needed road trip.   I’m about to crawl into bed and watch Poseidon. Yes. I know. 
The other day when I went to buy it, the guy at the counter, typical movie store guy PimplePunk… says – “Oh, Josh Lucas, some say he’s Mathew McConaughey’s missing twin they look so much alike.”
Before I could help myself, I snarled – “Who? Who says that?” Then when I realized how defensive I sounded I tried to quickly backtrack, “I mean, they don’t look anything alike.  Their body posture and energy is completely different –“
“Okay, mam.” He handed me the slip to sign. “You’re absolutely right.” *don’t anger the crazy lady*
Red faced and feeling like an idiot (rightly so) I took my movie and stuffed it in my bag. As I was leaving the store, the PimplePunk said behind me (to no one in particular) “Oh –Josh Lucas – SAVE ME!” He dramatically draped a hand over his forehead and I could feel heat rush up my face.
“Funny.” I said as tried to lift my chin, fully aware that everyone in the video store was staring at me.  He’s soooo lucky I didn’t kick his ass.  On the way home I started laughing.  I’m fully aware of the ridiculousness of lusting after a celebrity.  After all I carried around a cardboard cutout of Legolas for almost a year.  That doesn’t mean I don’t have a guilty sense of shame for avoiding reality and indulging fantasy.  I’m human.  I hide my Tiger Beat under the bed like a bored husband might stash a playboy.  Why am I ashamed of this? I should be shouting it out to the whole freaking world.  I lust after a man that doesn’t exist!
I LUST AFTER A MAN THAT DOESN”T EXIST!
He’s as real as Miss September’s spherical breasts.  He’s as likely to ask me out for dinner as the monthly Hustler centerfold is likely to ask out PimplePunk at the video store.  I know this and I am grateful that I know this.  The knowledge of this never happening makes it easy and fun to pretend things could be otherwise.  If it were a possibility – the fantasy would be lost and reality would be an unwelcome intruder.  I say – Embrace your horny fantasies.  However, romantic, erotic, weird or vanilla – they are your fantasies.  No one gets hurt.  It’s all good.
So I took my treasure home and popped it in my laptop.  I drooled over the beauty that is Josh and when it was over I looked around the dark lonely basement room currently called home and said, “Ah -Shit. Godamnit, Josh Lucas – Save me.”