Kungfukitten has brought up a good point. Have I kissed anyone with my braces off? Tragically, the answer is no. Simply because, well, I’m in Utah. Logan got it’s first Starbucks last month, so I’m pretty sure the Mormon stranglehold is letting up a little, but the probability of finding a good make out session and being able to walk away from it without someone sending missionaries to my door the next day is pretty slim. In fact, I decided that I’ll likely have to be celibate while I’m here not because I’m a good girl or because I don’t want to corrupt the righteous – because that sounds like a blast (the corrupt part not the good girl part), I’m going to have to abstain because tangling with a Mormon means tangling with the whole freakin clan. I know this first hand and the last time I tried to escape the church they found me at three separate residences in two different states. I’m telling you – They’re everywhere!
Not to mention the small town religious influence has tainted the very core of what I would consider good dirty fun.
For example… I was watching V for Vendetta with my sister and we were both getting tired.
D – “Let’s finish it tomorrow.”
Me- “Wait I have to see Natalie Portman in her cute outfit.”
We watch the scene where Natalie Portman runs around in her fluffy little Bo-Peep outfit.
Me – “She’s so hot. And I love that outfit. If I had the body, I’d totally wear that outfit for Halloween. Shit, if I had that body I’d wear outfits like that everyday.”
D- “You didn’t really think that outfit was hot did you? I mean, you don’t think that kind of stuff is sexy… right? I wasn’t sure if she was referring to my commentary that I found another woman attractive, or if it was really the outfit that was bothering her.
Me- “Yeah, I can think another woman is beautiful or sexy.”
D-“That’s not what I meant. I meant the clothes. Were you just kidding?” Me- “No. Actually, I wasn’t. Uhm – D? It’s a fetish outfit.”
D- “Yeah. I know, but for old men who want to have sex with little girls.”
Me- “Maybe some, yes. But not the majority – actually…”
I wondered what to say. I didn’t even know how to try and explain. So finally I said,
Me-“I guess you don’t really know much about my sexual proclivities, and the lifestyle I lead.” I shrugged, “Maybe you don’t really want to know.”
D- “Sheesh – when you put it that way – maybe I don’t”
I thought it was adorable really – it’s so… so Vanilla. My sister is one of the more open-minded people I know here in Utah and she was completely spun out by a costume. As cute as that is, it’s also a representation of the area. D’s worked really hard to break out of the Mormon rut and if she struggles with the concept of fetish – well I best not tell her what liquid latex is or that I have a pair of pvc stilettos that go with the mini-skirt in the closet.
This brings me back to a make-out session. A fun night of good old-fashioned necking doesn’t require cuffs or even commitment, but I’d feel a whole lot more comfortable messing around with someone who doesn’t have the church on speed dial. Which really-really-really sucks. Can I explain any more how bad this thing sucks? What say you to the dilemma?
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