Xena

Here’s the surprise.  The not so big news- is in fallct 1.6lbs.  Her name is Xena and she’s the newest addition to my family and the quest for Bliss. 

It all started the day I arrived in Utah and found that my sister and nieces had adopted a Chihuahua named Sponge Bob.  I was kind of taken aback at my response to the puppy, I hate to say it but I was irritated and this is why…

I gave up a dog, Hercules before the start of my Quest.  Hercules had been my little man for 8 years and he was ornery, just like me.  Trouble was – he hated to travel.  At best I could take him to the beach and back but keeping him mellow was more work than I thought I could deal with.  I also knew I would be sleeping in my car, and at friends houses and most of my friends have cats.  The calculated time for Hercules to be in boarding during the year was several months, which I couldn’t afford and I also didn’t want him to be locked up that long.  So I gave him to a new home that seemed like it was made for him.  It was a very difficult decision.

Cut to D’s only to find they had a beautiful little puppy that reminded me so much of my little man that I was angry.  I knew I would be staying with them for two months and the likelihood of falling in love with a new dog was frightening and to say the least a bit painful. 

I intentionally showed little interest in the new family member hoping not to let my guard down and adore him.  The next day we were having coffee in the living room when D said.  “I want to find him a female companion so he’s not alone during the day.”

Before I even thought about it.  Before I even knew what I was saying I said. “I’ll get him a female if you’ll take care of her when I’m gone to New Zealand and if you can care for while I’m on my Quest.”

There was a moment of silence before D pounced and said, “Really? Okay.  I know of one ad in the paper.” She snatched the classifieds as I was just realizing what I’d blurbed… Shit! Oh shit.  What had I just done?

To cover my tracks I said, “But I only want a female, I’ll never have another male.  And I would want a black and tan sort of like a min pin.  It might take months to find a Chihuahua like that.  I’m not in a hurry, are you?”

D was already dialing the number in the paper and I heard her speaking to the woman in the other end as though I were in a dream…

“Really? You must be joking.  What are the odds of that? One black and tan female – the only one left.” My stomach did a flop. Oh dear God.  What had I just done?

Still in our pajama’s D rushed us out the door to – get this – about a mile down the street where we picked her up and rushed her home and I still felt like my head was swimming.  The rest of the day was a blur of children squealing and puppy breath.   I didn’t laugh, I felt only fear and anxiety.  What business did I have getting a dog when I don’t have a home, and I’d just given up my Hercules? I’m an idiot.

She cried all night until I let her sleep on my chest, and the next three days I carried her everywhere alternately furious at myself and enamored with her cuteness and demeanor.

One day when I sat her down to take a shower she screeched for the whole hour and it hit my nerve just right so I had to leave the house.  I went to the flower shop to talk to D and told her I was freaking out.  “Why?” she asked.

“Because I don’t know if I can love her right.  I don’t know what to do when the Quest is over.  Will I break her up from Sponge Bob because they adore each other.  Will I take her away from the kids? Where will I keep her? I feel like I’ve totally betrayed Hercules.”

“As far as Hercules, I think you did the right thing for both of you for the right time.  As to the rest of it, you’re worrying about things months in the future when you can be enjoying her right now.  We’ll keep her forever if you want, or we’ll let her go with you if you want.  I think you should just love her as much as you can for the time you’re here and worry about the rest later – after all – you say you’re on a Quest to find Bliss – can you really say you’re searching for Bliss when you won’t even let yourself love a puppy?”

BUSTED! Busted at my own game.  Good point.

 The next day as I was on the floor snuggled in a blanket with my coffee, Xena started chewing on my toes.  Before I new it we were wrestling and I was laughing.  Laughing with a kind of freehearted joy that I hadn’t felt in a very long time. 

She’s mine for now.  I don’t know what will happen in a few months, but for now she’s mine and I thought I’d never say this but she’s just what I needed.  I’m still processing it all, but I will keep you posted since I suspect Xena is a key to something.  My reaction was so strong – so adamant that it must be a button and until I figure it out, I’m going to let myself cuddle and adore her.  

Ladies and Gentleman – please welcome Xena Warrior Princess to the BlissQuest.