I discovered by asking around that I may have been using the wrong phrasing by asking for a Brazilian Wax. I’ve been stopping by random salons to ask about “back alley waxing”. This morning as I was asking perhaps the fifth person, a petite young girl apparently just out of high school who was operating the front desk if they did “a downstairs wax”, an woman standing next to me – evidently a customer, pulled me aside.
“They’re called “a tight wax”.”
“I thought it was illegal here in Utah.” I said.
“Well, yes, but if you ask for a “tight wax” and they wear gloves, and leave at least a small strip of hair, and they don’t touch you in any way that could be considered sexual, or cause you pain – then they can get away with it.” She shrugged. “If you know what I mean.”
She waggled her eyebrows at me as if there was some significance to her revelation.
“But by the very nature-of the um, procedure, there’s got to be some – um, touching – and probably a significant amount of pain.” I said hesitantly.
She nodded again…”If you get my drift.”
I was starting to get freaked out because she was using her body language to make it sound like a dirty joke. I half expected that “tight wax” could be a Mormon euphemism for “happy ending” and while a “happy ending” equivalent in the Mormon subculture of Northern Utah would help me find a new wellspring of respect for the tragic souls that live here – I know better – it’s probably some practical joke the Mormons play on unwitting out of state non-believers designed to be a painful lesson about the superiority of the Faithful.
I returned to the counter, and the young timid girl working and said, “Could you schedule me a “tight wax” with my acid peel.”
“Ahh,” she said nodding with a knowing smile. “A tight wax.” She glanced at the other woman who was standing behind me then back at me again, “Where did you say you are from?”
“Portland.” I answered feeling more nervous by the minute.
“Unfortunately, we can’t schedule the wax and the peel on the same day.” She said.
“That’s okay,” I jumped at the chance to change my mind. “I’ll just do the peel tomorrow and schedule the wax later.”
The girl shrugged and as I left I thought perhaps I was being paranoid, but the look the girl gave the woman who explained a “tight wax” seemed laden with mischief.
I hurried out to the jeep and decided that until I get back to Portland and the safety of my twisted friends, I’ll just use a razor and call it good.
This part of the world just freaks me out! I ‘m crazy homesick for the predictable and understandable weirdness of Portland and Seattle.
11 Comments(+Add)
Do i fall under the predictable or weirdness category? I say you go for it, what is the worst that could happen? They wax it all?
Right Jeffy, what’s the worst that could happen? That’s a question every woman asks herself when her legs are in the sitrrups. Crazed Mormon fanatics between my legs with hot wax….
hmm. I find myself strangely turned on.
And yes, you fall into the lovable, and predictable weirdness category.
That’s why you’re so wonderful!
After our last talk I decided to ask my crazy new friend about what she does. She hasn’t found anyone in Utah that will do a nether region wax either. However she told me about this stuff called Coochie Cream and she says it works great. So here is the link…http://www.wetlandsonline.com/browseproducts/Coochy-Creme–Coochy-Shave-Creams–Coochie-Cream–Coochy-Shaving-Creams.HTML
I am gonna give it a try. Why does a woman need hair anyway. It serves no purpose other than to annoy the shit out of ya. Good luck on your smooth skin quest.
I’m still a fan of the electric razor. It doesn’t hurt, you don’t get razor burn and you can use fun attachments for an all over trim. I did a bikini wax once and I believe I wrote about it here under “older and hungover”:
http://kungfukitten.diaryland.com/barfagogo.html
I’ve been in Utah many times over the last three years, and nobody ever told me the restrictions on waxing. WAXING, of all things. Now that I know about this “tight wax”, the next time I’m there, I’m going to have to have it done.
(Should I tell them I learned about it from you?)
Not just because it sounds dirty, either. Ahem.
Honestly I just use the Phillips Body Groom. Purchased mostly due to the comercial (www.shaveeverywhere.com) but it seems to carve through my man forest well enough.
Jessie, I love the link! Thank you for thinking of me when you see Coochy Cream.
KFK! I never would have thought about the side effects.
Maybe I’ll need to get drunk first….
Vida, you absolutely can tell them I told you!
Jeffy – hehehe – you said – man-forest, hehehe….
Jeffy, I think the correct term is manscaping. Isn’t that what the Queer Eye guys always called it? He he.
Athena, yeah even though she kept checking the temperature of the wax on her arm, she ended up burning my ass and the bikini crease on my left side got broken blood vessels. I just wouldn’t recommend waxing when you know that you’re going to be romping around neked afterwards.