I don’t think I’ll be taking the Pasadena contract. I know, wishy-washy, but the problem currently is money. Ghosts of Seattle is set to be released in August. I still haven’t gotten paid for any of the work, or out of pocket expenses and as I’ve been looking into Pasadena, that city is ridiculously expensive. I’m already on my credit as I look for work here in Portland so financially, the Pasadena contract is a bad idea.
I tried to get an advance or a down payment, but rather than giving me an advance, I was asked if I’d be interested in doing non-fiction here in Portland. Still, there would be no money until published, if ever, and still I’d be looking for work here in P-town.
So it comes down to this, what do I really want.
I was hoping to ride the coat-tails of the Pasadena contract as an excuse to be in LA and pursue the dream of acting while having a reason to drive around exploring and doing something that potentially had a monetary value. But it seems like that wont work.
I’ve been encouraged by many people in the writing industry to stop working with my publisher and get an agent. The trouble is, I really like my EditorExdroidinaire. She’s super cool and I dig working with her. I also like not feeling pressured to make decisions an agent might find more financially practical. Is that what an agent does?
Last night I sat down to write some fiction, dredging up a character I haven’t toyed with in a couple of years I suddenly became inflamed with the need to write at about 9 pm. I didn’t stop or get up or even go to the bathroom to 2am. Sixteen pages later I was so exhausted I fell asleep drooling on myself and when I woke up later to go to the bathroom I felt GREAT. A good writing purge is sometimes better than sex. All my muscles were relaxed, my body drained my mind blessedly clean of thought. It felt wonderful.
So as I sit here today, disappointed by the lack of financial backing from my publisher to continue my foray into the world of ghosts I wonder if perhaps I’m focusing on all the negative aspects and none of the positive. The positive is that this is the second continued contract they’ve offered me for ghost work (not good contracts of pay) but at least they are offers. They’ve also asked if I’d be interested in doing non-ghosty writing in Portland. So the positive aspect I keep neglecting is that – if they still want to work with me… I must not suck! If they’re trying to work with me about my current finances by asking me about Portland related projects because I complained about the cost of Pasadena – then maybe I’m not such a bad writer?
If this is true, then perhaps it’s really time to return to fiction work, the stuff that I’m passionate about, the stories that keep me up till 2am and leave me feeling like I had the best hard sex the night before. Perhaps, it’s time to go commercial?
The other question is, if I decide to go commercial where does that leave the dream of acting? Where does that leave LA? I can write anywhere. I proved that this last year when I wrote over 200,000 words while traveling around the country. But I have to admit, my favorite place to write is near the woods, close to the river, under a roof where the rain pelts down and the sky boils grey.
I have some ideas, there are options. I’ll keep you posted.
9 Comments(+Add)
You wrote a GHOSTY book? That’s so very awesome. I would most definitely read that, especially being set in…well not my home town but at the very least the largest city nearby
(I live in Marysville and work in Everett.)
We should trade ghost stories sometime.
And for the record…deciding you don’t want a certain dream anymore is NOT the same as giving up on it. Times change, and so do people.
Epiphany, I’m not sure I know what you mean. I have no intention of giving up on the dream and I never said I didn’t want it anymore. I do want it – I’m just stumped as to how it will work.
I want them both. Commercial fiction and Acting are so intertwined in my mind that it’s hard to seperate the to two. They play off one another, fantasy worlds and make-believe. I did some of my best writing while attending the Actor’s Conservatory because I felt like I understood the perspectives of my characters better. As much as they are fused together – I just can’t logically see a way it will work.
The smart thing is to stay put and be a non-fiction writer, work as a receptionist to pay bills and have bbq’s on the weekend, right? But, I have to say… unfortunately – I’m not very good at doing the smart thing.
I’ll figure somthing out. It might not be logical, because I can’t see a logical solution. It might not be pretty – but it’ll work. Somehow.
As to ghosty stuff, you want me to put you on my mailer in case we have a celebration shindig in Seattle for the release? You can dress like a ghost and come help us celebrate! I smell a party!
Ah, I must’ve misunderstood you.
And sure, add me to the mailer thingybob. I’ve always been interested in ghosties and all that…probably doesn’t hurt that I grew up in an…interesting house.
Anyway whichever you choose to do, stay or go, you’ll definitely have a cheering section.
Hmm, my last comment got eaten.
Anyway…sorry I misunderstood you. I thought you meant you weren’t going at all! Anyway, either way you’ve got a cheering section here
As for the mailer, sure, add away. I’m always interested in ghosty stuff. Probably comes from growing up in an….interesting house.
Okay so my first comment never showed and when I re-wrote it (badly) it suddenly showed twice.
*shakes fist at the internet Gods*
I’m not crazy. Really.
Okay I’m at least not crazy in the way of repeating myself. Much.
HaHA! Don’t you just hate it when that happens?
The internet Gods have a terrible sense of humor. I think it’s because they’re bored.
Thank you for the cheering section, Epiphany! I appreciate it!
And you say crazy like it’s a bad thing…
Shhhhhh. We want everyone else to think it’s bad so we can have all the crazy to ourselves!
No way! I say – SPREAD THE CRAZY!
Craziness is like love – the more you give – the more you get!
Heehee…