I’ll be opening the coffee shop at 6:30 so I’m off to bed early. But I got the full script for the movie today, I guess we start filming on Sunday. I was mistaken, there are in fact two, yes two sex scenes and one topless.
I had a minor panic attack as I was reading, wondering what the fuck I was thinking to agree to this. Both scenes are a little rough and although I think they will be fun, I can’t seem to wrap my brain around this part. No matter how in character you are, there’s a certain level of trust you need to have in your scene partner to be able to let them freely handle your body.
While I’m getting cozy about being nude and making peace with my shape, I still haven’t been able to muster up the ability to trust men in my space that way. I’m sure that as long as I can stay in character – it won’t freak me out so bad, but I have to think of the possibility that I could get shaken. I think this is partly the reason I agreed. I need to be shaken and I know it. I need to break the bubble of my fear of touch and intimacy and if the only way I can do that at first is by using this scenario, and in the body of a character until I breech the fear inside me – then so be it. Make it fun, and heavily impersonal, and then I can sort it out later.
I have no idea if this logic makes any sense to anyone else. Even though I’m struggling to articulate this is pretty much the gist of it. Plowing forward because it scares me. Pushing myself because I know I’ve reached a point in which I cannot remain and maintain a healthy emotional balance. Time to upset the equilibrium.
Where I’ll be when the dust settles, well, I don’t know and that sort of excites me.
Have no fear, Mona and Erisian, I will take care.
8 Comments(+Add)
Gotta’ go out of the comfort zone to grow, generally speaking.
I’ll be waiting (paitently) for footage on YouTube.
(j/k)
Dude, precisely. This is the very reason I jump off of bridges and cliffs and other high places, or make myself dance in public. Sometimes you need to get scared f-ing s-less to change and grow.
There’s something about fearing for your safety, life and sanity that makes what you REALLY want and need crystal clear.
Way to grab ahold and take the ride!!! Hopefully you don’t puke. Ha ha ha.
That’s exactly the reason I did the Naked Bike Ride. To shock my system and get me moving.
If it doesn’t kill you it makes you stronger. Kevin Kline said that once, or something.
I agree, Argentum.
I’ll see what I can do about the youtube thing –
Sondra, I have always envied you ability to just jump.
Man, I hope I don’t hurl either. That would suck!
Brian, I think it’s fabulous that you did the naked bike ride.
Congratulations, again on really pushing past your comfort zone.
At this rate, being that so much hasn’t killed me – I’m looking forward to being stronger
That will be a nice change of pace.
Hmmm, second time I have be mentioned by name in your blog and both times it involved you being topless…. Kind of funny when you think about it. Actually, I totally understand your logic on this one. I hope it does everything you are hoping it will do. I know you will be great in the scene. If you find that it does freak you out and you need someone to hash it out with feel free to give me a call.
Thanks Mona,
I will also try not to mention you around my boobs anymore-
Doh! Sorry. I did it again.
XOXO