Someday

I’ve just accepted an invite to drinks on the 30^th floor of a downtown building Friday night. I met him online, and we’ve had a few fun emails. I thought about it all night last night and again this morning – going through the usual panic mode responses. I decided it’s time to push the panic a little and see if it gives. So I accepted. As soon as I hit ‘send’ my brain went through a series of “oh no!” spasms. But, after a cup of coffee and a reminder that it’s a couple of days away… I feel pretty good about it. We’ll see.

I went to crepes last night with Harley and the cutest pregnant lady I’ve ever seen, Aims.

Anywhoo, they just got back from their honeymoon to Ireland and Croatia, so I got to look at pictures and eat good food.

As we talked, well, more honestly as I rambled, I had this funny moment of sitting on the other side of the table from them.  They just got married, have a baby due in a few months and a new house nearing completion.  They’re still glowing with happiness.  They backpack and travel and have a great relationship.

And I was crazy envious.

I know it’s something that I can have when I decide that I want it, but still.  That sense of nesting, of family and a comfort zone that’s permanent – versus – living with the capability of being able to pack everything up in three hours and fit in all in my jeep and go. 

I’m having adventures. I have freedom.  I have the will and the desire to keep going at this pace for some time – but as they sat there across the table, looking happy and content, I thought – someday I want that. Someday.

For now I am happy with my chosen route.  I’m happy with randomness.  I’m happy with the ever-present sense of possibilities that shift and shimmer from day to day.

But someday, I may want something else.

For now I get to enjoy watching them.  They’re funny and young and full of spirit.  I’ll get to see their house, and play with their baby girl and watch them grow and there is also a joy in sharing their life as a friend and savoring their happiness because they deserve it.

Congratulations, you guys! You rock! You deserve this happiness – you’ve both freaking earned it, and I will sit on the sidelines and cheer for you!

Also, I’ll be totally offended if I don’t get to baby-sit now and again.  I’m just sayin’.