I was wondering, thinking about the LoveQuest and how my job fits in. Basically, what it boils down to is – I am attracted to men who are passionate, driven and excited about something. I don’t care if it’s passion for growing orchids or passion for teaching children. I don’t care if it’s drive to create video games or excitement about cars.
I’m turned on by a man in his element. A man who looks at me with glitter in his eye when he talks about string theory or horticulture or books.
But what turns me on even more than knowing he has it – that passion, that energy for some topic – what turns me on the very most is knowing he is pursuing it with determination. Chasing the dream, burning inside with the fire of knowing he is living his personal legend. He is living it. He isn’t waiting to get by. He isn’t hanging in there until something better just happens along.
I can fully understand and appreciate the livelihood of a “means to an end”. I have the same means to an end. But I know where I’m going and I’m passionate about getting there and even more passionate about enjoying the road along the way.
I want a man who loves what he does at least 70% of the time. Good days far outweigh the bad days. Drama is inevitable but they love what they do enough to forge through it.
Some days are rough for sure, but most days they have that soft glow of a day well spent and a life well lived.
Then comes the honesty, if I am looking for that in a man – if I am looking for that in a partner – I better be willing to put myself in the same space. I better be ready to put my cards on the table and live up to the same expectation. It’s only fair.
I have a means to an end with my eye on the prize, but I believe to be a better and more able partner I need to take bigger steps to accomplishing my life of passion. Then they will be sharing in a fabulous ride rather than a downhill slide of unhappiness or complaining.
I want to be in my element so I can give that to someone who is as turned on about it as I am. I want to be able to bask in the too-excited-to-breathe-chatter of a man who just did something he’s been wanting to accomplish for ages. I want to be able to return the favor.
So, uhm, yeah… I was just thinking.
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…you know what people never talk about about? The amount of work it takes to truly, truly desire something. People say they desire, that they deeply want, but for most part, what I see is that their actions belie their words.
And that it is because it is such a beautifully awful burden to desire…because it requires that eventually we surrender to them. That we simultaneously move forward and let go.
Man in his element is to own and take on his desire. To take it on completely, be willing to battle ( to LOVE the battle), constantly discern passion from drama- and actively pursue the former, despite the distractions of the latter.
To desire nothing is to give up all your power, and it is also so much easier to do. And that’s why the man you want, the partner you so desire (indeed, the only kind of partners that can result in a synergetic union) is so hard to find.
I love what you write because it is a truth that resonates in many who seek a union that, despite the law of physics, is greater than the sum of its parts. And I just wanted to ‘hurrah’ that. It’s the harder path, the truer path, and the less traveled path. Kind of scary, isn’t it? (I feel it is, that I will be alone forever than be in a union anything less than that). And I just wanted to put in my two cents and ‘just thinking’ to support your thoughts. To give voice to your ponderings of truths you know but rarely see…
That this man you seek exists. That if there is a want, there exists a capacity for fulfillment. Somewhere between ageless wisdom and the depth of youthful vision, between the duality of fighting to stay strong and surrendering to stay soft, exists a man in his element that wants to connect with you.
Yay.
(On a lighter note, let’s get together this weekend and do cards! I’ll call you…)
(by the way, i just re-read that and thought some of it might of sounded condescending or speechy and that is totally, absolutely not what I meant to convey. I guess I was just kind of pondering things and writing as if I was talking to you…Just wanted to put that in!)
I dont mean to invite myself in, but I just got a deck of Russian Gypsy cards that are really neat, if anyone is interested in them.
While I totally agree with you, it’s always a tricky balance because people who are that absorbed by their jobs tend to not have much personal time. Just watching my boss is mildly terrifying because he regularly comes in at 10 and doesn’t leave until sometime after 7. And that includes weekends. But that may just be scientists. Getting ahead seems to require an almost pathological devotion to your job there.
With all that said, I also realize that you may not find that such a terrible thing, especially if/when you’re deep in the throws of writing and don’t have much time either.
Nathania,
God, woman, I love your comments! Delicious on som many levels. I’d love to chat with you about it. So yes. Let’s do cards at my place!
I’ll call Laura and Megan and we can make it a party!
Jordan,
I agree. It is a tricky balance. I’ve been in that place with someone and it can be lonely.
I also have been the one to make lonely lovers when I’m caught in my writing zone.
A tricky balance – but I think it can be done.
So I’ve been kind of avoiding commenting on the whole lovequest thing because I think it’s incredibly risky. But hey, if you don’t bet at poker you won’t win anything.
You may have noticed that I like a good chick flick every now and then. I bought Meet Joe Black. I love the way the chick (don’t know her name – not even her character’s name) and Mr. Brad always look at each other like they’re completely amazed by each other. That’s the magic I find that I wish I could have with someone. Anywho, right at the beginning of the movie they spill the plot pretty quick. Sir Anthony asks his daughter if she loves the prick she’s dating. He states he’s worried because of the things she’s not saying. The prick doesn’t bring an ounce of excitement to her or their relationship. Sir Anthony goes on to say that he wants her to find a relationship that excites her, that elevates her, that sweeps her off her feet, makes her sing with rapture and dance like a dervish.
I’ve been a bit scared by this whole lovequest thing because you’re my best friend out here. If you find the right dude and end up leaving Portland I would feel like I was floating in the middle of a really big ocean alone. When I first considered the possibility of that happening I almost shat myself.
I had to look myself in the mirror for a while and remind myself of those ornaments between my legs and that I was a big boy and that I can swim. Then I remembered that, damn it, I want to hear you sing with rapture, I want you to elevate, to be swept off your feet and dance like a dervish! Even if it’s not in Portland and the fact that I don’t trust men with the hearts of my sisters, I want to hear you singing!!! I want to see some crazy dance moves!
And all the while, I just want you to be happy.
P.S. I love you.
I hope I spelled “dervish” right.