YAY! I passed my certification. I am now legitimate. I missed one question and I’ll have to go back and figure out why but I discovered something very disturbing.
I know the information and I have no confidence in myself. In fact a couple of mornings ago, a co-worker asked me a question and I answered without thinking about it. Correctly.
And he tilted his head and asked, “Are you sure?”
It was like a chain-reaction of demolition explosives in my mind. A sudden onslaught of second-guessing that led me in circles for almost an hour because once I derailed from the original answer that if I’d just gone with in the beginning – I would have been right.
It sort of reminds me of classes at the Conservatory wherein you are taught to let go of the second guessing. You cannot be an effective or affective actor if you second guess yourself on stage – it simply doesn’t work.
Confidence will come. But this test of a new skill set has highlighted all the areas of my mind that have shaky confidence. I started picking apart what I am sure about and what I am not, and interestingly the things I thought would give me the most conflict are tightly secure in my mind.
I’m confident as a writer, creative artist, driver, self-sustainability, actor, story-teller and being independent.
I am on shaky ground with my confidence as a woman, a nurturer, an FAA and business skills, and the ability to be a good partner.
Once the second guessing starts it never ends well. Just an observation, and confidence will come.
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