Many people I know are getting pregnant. Strangely, they are all due around Halloween, which leads me to wonder if Valentine’s Day isn’t the most dangerous time of year. Dangerous I tell you!
I have to admit though, as much as I’m not a huge fan of babies in general, I’m excited for friends who are excited – and I do look forward to holding kids I know I can hand right back.
Interestingly, the topic of children has been fairly regular with people who have known me for awhile and know how I am around kids. I talked with my sister about it a lot while she was here, and Indigo a couple of days ago. For the first time in my life, I am entertaining the thought (obviously not seriously) that motherhood might be something I’ll want to experience someday – and by someday I mean 10 years from now.
I don’t have a doubt in my mind that I’m overqualified for the parent gig, what with raising little brothers and babysitting other people’s kids since I was 6 and being a summer fun teacher and swimming instructor and the fall-back nanny for every person in my life who has children. But obviously it’s different when it’s yours. Still, I’m not sure I want it. Parenting other peoples kids (often against my own will) for 20 years has left me with a sour taste for parenting in general, and until that taste is gone – having my own is not even an option. I’m just now finishing my childhood, and I’m not ready to help someone have one of their own until I know I can do it right.
But honestly, this last year has brought the question up and that’s a tremendous feat for someone like me. And each time one of my friends announces they are pregnant it brings the question up again and for that I am really grateful. I love the questioning because it gets me closer to a better understanding of what I feel like I’m missing and I suspect that has to do with something about my own childhood and perceptions of my own mother.
I can’t wait to hold my friends kids, see their little faces and when they cry hand them right back. It’s the fun of not being a parent yet and I’m going to enjoy it thoroughly for as long as I can, which might just be indefinitely.
That being said, I will likely avoid Valentine’s Day for the next ten years – too dangerous. Can’t be too safe!
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