Go figure that I didn’t make it to the comic fest.  As it happened, I got out of class Saturday afternoon and when I had planned on doing all sorts of social and fun things… I just needed to get away. Drive. Be in fifth gear with the top off the jeep and no agenda. Nobody wanting anything from me or having an opinion about how I should be or not be.

I wanted to rebel, scream, run or hit something, bite, kick or yell.

So I opted instead to hit the road and process the way I know how. Move. Wind. Speed and music. Trees. Asphalt. Water and open sky.

I drove to Multnomah Falls and by the time I got out there I felt significantly better. What surprised me though, was the excess emotion and as I tried to trace it backward to find out where it came from, I realized… my acting for film class is opening up wounds. I’m pulling up more energy and emotion than I can use in a three hour class.  I’m revisiting loss and coming face to face with the understanding that I’m not done grieving some things.

Catharsis.

That was the point of my art right? That’s what drove me back to the conservatory three years ago and partially why I dropped out again. Too much emotion. I took a crazy writing gig and jumped at the chance to hop in my jeep and run away. Run away from everything as fast as I could and not look back. I said I was running to something, but after my desperate need to escape after class on Saturday… I’m beginning to wonder if I’m not just a coward and my primary response to grief is to try and outrun it. Take the top off my Freya and clutch into fifth gear, embrace the curves of road that take me to the trees where I can sit next to a waterfall and cry into the misty spray when no one is looking.

So, there you have it. Evidently things still sneak up on you years after the fact.  Evidently, I thought I was done with things that are not done with me. I think that this class was a great decision. However, at this rate and eight more weeks… I need to find another outlet for the emotional overflow.  Gas prices are not conducive to the run away response and I really should start learning a better way to confront the emotional shit that I want to hide from.

If you have any ideas. I open.

Evidently, there are some strong feelings about the dark side.  I had no idea that most of the men I know are bigger believers in Vader than in Magic. Makes me wonder just who I’m hanging out with.

Anywhoo, looks like it’s going to be a busy weekend. I expect to hit the Comic Fest and support Brandon and his new comic ‘Witch Doctor’.  I know it’s not really unbiased, but if I were unbiased I’d still say, “This comic looks brilliant!” So go get one.