I was lamenting last night, as I couldn’t sleep and I had the window open listing to the dark at 2 am, there was no one in my bed to watch. I wondered as I lay sprawled across a bed of pillows with the night breeze and whispers – why is that?
Why am I not at this very moment watching some beautiful man sleeping nearby, lost in dreams and feeling his heat against my skin?
Then I remembered, oh yeah, because in the morning he’ll be awake and full of opinions and needs and…
Then I thought, “Honestly, Athena? Is that the reason?”
So I puzzled it out till 3 am and came to this conclusion. With honesty, I have to admit that I am intentionally and sometimes unintentionally – keeping the possibility of a connection at bay – because somewhere in my mind I have already made the decision that I am leaving Portland at some point for another adventure and I am reluctant to get attached to someone, because I know full well how easy it is to lose momentum when you love someone. How’s that for honesty? I guess I have also been putting off the “I’m not available” vibe energetically for this reason.
I’m too focused on grabbing for the dream.
But that’s as far as I got in the realization. Evidently more thinking is required, as in how long do I intend to stay and where will I be going?
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