I sometimes think that since I call myself a writer – I should have a better grasp of words and timing and the interaction of those around me. But alas, not so much.
For example. Friday night I took the top and doors off Freya in anticipation of the beach trip the next day. In my giddy stupidity I did a mimic of Eddie Murphy’s jump onto the bed in ‘The Golden Child’ by yelling, “Look! No doors.” I threw myself sideways into the driver’s seat sans door and missed.
All of my weight slammed into the lock bolt that is hinged near the bottom of the roll bar and I knew immediately I would have a giant bruise and welt on my whole right butt cheek. Go, Athena.
Several hours later I was still sort of stepping gently when Jordan and I went to Spartacus to shop for toys. And while that sentence – in and of itself is funny, because it implies something that simply is not the case – meaning, Jordan and I are not like that… it just adds to the moment when I stood side by side with him looking at the wall of canes, crops, whips and paddles. In a spectacular display of timing and my usual broken filter I moved a little strangely and my whole right ass cheek twitched and the bruise I knew was there burned so I clutched my bum saying loudly, “God, Jordan, my ass really hurts!”
Jordan startled and looked around at all the people, “oh, god!” and he laughed a little from shock. Because for all intents and purposes it looked as though we were the worst of sadist and masochist in front of the canes and whips at the adult entertainment store. I do wish sometimes I had a filter.
Monday as I was walking out of the theater with Admiral Fubar I took him to Freya to show him what she looks like without doors. He laughed and pointed at the trails of sand on the seats and floor. I hadn’t bothered to vacuum as I figure the wind would just wash it out on the freeway. Anywhoo, he said, “You got a lot of sand in there still.”
“Yeah,” I replied. “It gets in all the cracks.”
“I feel sorry for your man then.”
He chuckled but I was already reaching in the car to get something so I didn’t see his face when I finished my train of thought … “I thought I’d blown it all out by now.”
“Athena! Good Lord!” He half strangled, half choked.
I turned around to see his face and realized we’d just had two entirely different conversations and the horror in his eyes of what exactly his big sister meant by blowing sand out of her cracks gave him the most lost and sickened expression I’ve ever seen.
Still, as a writer, I’d really like to have a better grasp of timing and the interaction of those around me – then again, it does make for things to blog about on a slow day.
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