As the story of my date has been recounted, blogged and told to death. People were coming up to me yesterday and asking, “So how’d your date go this weekend?” Ugh.
Anyway, as I was telling my Manager about it and she was laughing, she brought up a really good thing to think about. In regards to the guys at the strip club who were approaching me and in Maurice’s case actually asking me out.
What energy are you giving off?
It totally stalled me – because I have absolutely no idea. It’s like my tell. I have no idea what I look like to other people, what energy I am emitting and what my body language is saying.
Ordinarily, I would say I give the “back off” vibe. Certainly I radiate, “Don’t touch me”. But per my experiences at the Lucky Devil on Friday night I can now assume I am not giving that vibe as strongly as I thought. So what am I putting out there that is getting received? Good question.
Also after I told her the story of the guy who reached a hand toward me and said, “Hey Baby, what’s your name?” to which I responded. “It might just be me, but when I reach a hand out to introduce myself I think it’s polite to offer my name in good faith rather than demanding something from a stranger without providing anything in return. So what the fuck is your name?”
He looked down at the table then back up and said, “Curtis.”
“Hi Curtis! Nice to meet you I’m Athena.” I shook his hand and smiled. He then turned away from me, drawing his shoulders in and played the rest of the game without even looking in my general direction.
My manager shook her head. “And you wonder why you never get asked out?”
I shrugged sheepishly, “Weeellllll……”
“I think you need to come up with some things to say and have them in your pocket to use in these circumstances. You’re witty. I’m sure you can think of something witty to say that will set your boundaries firmly.”
“Hmm.”
She smiled in her mother knows best way and said, “You really need to find a happy medium somewhere between, Mary-Jane/Pollyanna and Touch-me-and-I’ll-kill-you.”
I laughed because, she is right. I’m just not sure what that happy medium is. Furthermore, what I worry about is that this journey of taming myself to be a more appropriate partner is going to be messy. I don’t foresee this being graceful, as I was seemingly born with a serious lack of tolerance for douche baggery and I suspect/fear embarrassing my friends or others with my clumsy attempts to become a member of the civilized masses for dating.
While I believe I can have my cake and eat it too; I can have someone who respect my need for independence and freedom and so on… I am not unwilling to make the steps toward becoming a less wild creature with the ability to compromise and meet a person half way. To do this I am guessing I need to teach myself to be less verbally and emotionally, uhm…. Opinionated.
Even as I write it I’m laughing, thinking, “Yeah, good luck with that.”
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