I met him a couple of months ago when he was down for a gig from Seattle. I thought he was sexy and mysterious. A self proclaimed double-virgo he kept telling me he had no story and that I shouldn’t focus my attention on him because there was nothing interesting about him at all.
Now that goes utterly against my very religion. There is not a creature on this planet without a story and the easiest was to seek a really juicy story out is to dig under the person that says they’ve got nothin’.
But as I watched him on stage, I was less interested in his back-story and more interested in his present. As a bass player for a burgeoning band, I watched him shift from unobtrusive to downright stunning. A mop of curly dark hair obscuring his face – but not hiding the pure ecstasy of what it means to play music. I’ve never felt that kind of envy before as I did for his instrument and I desperately wanted to be strummed so. Finely tuned to make chords of sound.
I’d tried to finagle a way to hang out after the show, but it was clumsy and obvious so I let it drop when he didn’t pick it up.
I ran into him again at their second show last week. I remembered how sexy he was, but I was completely taken aback by the look he gave me and I cautioned myself to step wary around him. Something in me is different and I knew he noticed it right away. I’ve been cracking open – and he looked at me like I was a lushly ripe woman. And it stalled my brain a little.
Truth be told, I was meeting Chimera at the show in hopes of catching up and also discovering if there was any interest there. So rather than allow myself to lean in the direction of DoubleVirgo, as I felt I’d tossed a major bucket of hints that went unnoticed before – I was just going to see what would happen with Chimera and me.
But even that didn’t seem to work. The show had one epic fail after another. (Which I’ll blog about later) Chimera had business that kept calling him away on the phone and I took a chance to interview the manager for the Hawthorne Theater (again I’ll blog that later) and so when all was said and done, Chimera and I decided to go eat and couldn’t find anything open – so he bailed.
I’d thought for awhile he wasn’t having fun and wasn’t into it, so I wasn’t surprised – but I was all dressed up and I wanted to go eat somewhere. I went back to the theatre for Ginger and Kim and the band was packing up to go.
Whereupon I lamented very loudly that I WANTED TO GO EAT! Has a woman ever had to explain, “I’m starving! Let’s go eat!” So many goddamn times to get a fucking response out of someone? A woman in a skirt and corset, I might add. And a woman who is more likely to buy your meal than let you pay for hers – so it’s just the burden of company and I was starting to take it very personal when DoubleVirgo volunteered.
“My road back home won’t be open till 5am so I need to hang out in town for a few hours before heading back.”
Holy, astral alignment, Batman! Seriously?
“Sweet! You want some doughnuts? Voodoo? How about mac and cheese? What are you hungry for?” I rambled on as we climbed into the jeep and headed downtown. I could tell he was a little uncomfortable with my driving, maybe he’s not used to being a passenger.
We went to Velour first for smoked mozzarella spicy chicken mac and cheese. Delicious. Then walked to Voodoo where we were both too full to get doughnuts, so we wandered back around downtown toward the jeep. I wasn’t eager to lose his company as he had been a great conversationalist thus far. Did I mention he’s also fantastically beautiful?
It was nearly 1 and I said, “Look, I would feel a lot better if you got some sleep before heading on a long drive home that you still can’t leave for until 3… I have a spare room. Actually, it’s my brother’s bed but I think you’ll fit it. Nothing weird. Just a safe place to crash.”
He said, “Actually, I would feel better if I slept too.”
And so we got home and settled his gear and sat on the living room floor. I could have talked with him all night. His voice is truly beautiful and his shaggy hair begged to have my fingers winding through….
I realized that I was putting out a strong sexual current and I didn’t want him to feel weird about crashing safely at my place if he thought I was going to throw myself on him. That’s creepy and has all sorts of weird obligatory ickyness. I didn’t want him to feel awkward. So I got up and said, “Okay well I have to go to bed cuz I gotta work in the morning. It was about 2:30 am.
He got up, moved his bags, I showed him Admiral Fubar’s room and where the guest things were like toothbrushes etc. Then as I turned to go put my pajamas on he was standing in the doorway – my face at eyelevel with his golden skinned neck.
“Uhm,goodnight.” I fairly squeaked.
“I just wanted to say thank you,” he said. Then his lips were on mine and I was sighing and leaning and where the hell did all my decorum and bones go?
“Do you wanna snuggled with me in my bed tonight?” I knew it was my voice. I knew I was thinking it but I was utterly FLABBERGASTED that it actually came out of my mouth. Where the fuck was my filter that was supposed to catch thoughts before they burble? So I hastened to correct….. “I mean. No sex. No sex at all just cuddling you know like snuggle and sleep but not have sex….”
“Sure.” He said in a gravelly deep voice.
And so it was that I found myself snuggling into bed with a very sexy man in my pjs. (Why the fuck didn’t I think to put on sexier pajamas? Oh, Athena. When will you learn?) At first I was afraid to push myself too tightly against his body. But he was warm and made delicious encouraging sounds so I wriggled my way firmly into his embrace and closed my eyes a little before 3. Then he kissed the back of my ear. My neck. Nuzzling.
And from there I was lost. It’s amazing really, how easy it was to whisper a kiss that launched me around to face him so I could kiss him quite literally until the sun came up.
He kissed me like I have not been kissed yet, with something akin to passionate tenderness. He kissed me slowly, deliberately – as thought he were memorizing every spot that made my lips curl upward against him. He kissed me thoughtfully. As though he were entirely present at every sensation – every moment.
He kissed me with teasing nips and hot hands cupping. He kissed me like I was some rare and valuable wine – little sips, long lingering inhales of my scent. He was not eager to finish me, nor to end the tasting. By 5 am we were both naked. At 6:30 the sun was coming up through the window and every time I said, “Okayokayokay. I have to sleep just a little.” We would kiss once, twice and half an hour would pass with our naked bodies pressed together and his mouth locked in mine.
At 7 we forced a blanket between us and he pulled my back into his chest. And, I, Athena, who rarely ever sleep in the company of men – slept like a baby, secure and feeling treasured like I haven’t since well, a really long time, and I woke exactly two hours later when my alarm went off.
It took almost 45 minutes to make a silly pot of coffee. Every simple step had to work around 15 minutes of kissing. Even as he was walking out the door and I had no idea if I’d see him again, I was half out the door in my shirt and nothing else, still struggling to make my mouth let him go.
That day at work I felt like what one of his instruments must feel like after being tuned, harmonized to perfection and yet not actually played. Thrumming with the need to make music and enjoying the reverberation inside my core. We didn’t have sex, but we had a delicious night of making out.
The thing that still makes me look back fondly and break out into uncontrollable grinning is this: He touched me with such profound gentleness. Tender. Nurturing. Coaxing. He gave me so much compassion in his lips, the way he would lay there and stare at me, the crooked smile he’d get if I ducked my chin.
I have been waking and remembering what it feels like to be a woman – but DoubleVirgo reminded me what it feels like to be taken in. Savored.
It seems like it has been eons since I’ve truly been savored.
Will I see DoubleVirgo again? Seattle isn’t that far away after all….
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