“Grace seems pretty insecure, immature, scared and frankly doesn’t seem to know what the hell he even wants. Of course you felt the way you did, that is part of his game. Charms you and then pulls away and asks why you fell on your face. (in my ever so humble opinion…).
Also, Reggie and I didn’t start dating until July 05 and we didn’t move in together until Dec 05.
Max wasn’t born until April 08.
Seems odd that I am commenting here, I know. If it’s too weird just delete it…
Obviously I read your blog. Beyond the Reggie connection I just find it fascinating in a very human evolution, personal growth, funny stories sort of way.
Shutting up now.” – Amy
I received this comment last week on the post My Bad and it went directly to my moderator’s queue. I’d been unable to decide what to do with because if I moderate it “approved” it will register the IP and give her the ability to comment at will without moderation from me. If I mark it “Unapproved” the IP will register as spam and be chewed up as soon as she comments each time.
I thought about it all weekend.
Dear Amy,
Your comment took my by surprise. In fact it spun me out pretty badly. All day I wondered what I should do about it. All weekend I pondered the appropriate response.
I wondered if there is some moral high road I should be aware of. Some properly evolved human response and I can’t think of what it should be. I’m thoroughly stumped so I’m just going to go with what feels right.
It feels right to moderate your comment as “approved” with certain exceptions and boundaries. I’ve never deleted a comment unless I believed it to be spam. I’ve never deleted or censored a comment even the cruel or rude or the ones I don’t like – because I like to welcome all perspectives and include the way they affect me or don’t into my evolution. This is why I feel like I can’t delete your comment or mark it as spam. It’s a new perspective.
With that being said, I am asking you to use discretion and judgment and also to respect certain boundaries I have. The first being that my blog is not a forum for you to mark your space with a timeline of events nor a place for you to contradict the way I condense years of events into one short statement. (i.e. the timeline of you getting together with my ex-husband and how I pressurized the timeframe) If you want to comment, I will welcome it – but not if it appears as a carrier for a “he said she said” of events or as territory marking.
The only other thing I would ask you to respect is that you do not comment on my relationships or dating. This is just too weird for me right now. Primarily because you are a direct conduit to Reggie and even though I know he reads from time to time, I am just not comfortable with the idea of that part of my history having free commentary in the success or failure of that aspect of my dating life.
Maybe some day -but for now, I just don’t welcome my past trying to break into my future.
I have puzzled and puzzled over what possible motivation you would have (besides the need to stake a claim on events) for deciding to comment at last. It is one thing to read, but another to comment – as I have some readers who have been with me on RSS feeds for years and never once made a peep – and it appears from the outside that you only deemed to comment because you disagreed with my phrasing and my parallel emotional response to Grace and the past order of events that ultimately pertained to you.
Events from a thousand years ago. It seems like it was someone else, in some other life and I just watched it happen through a veil.
Is this an attempt at friendship? Is it a need to make contact with your lover’s past? Is it some misplaced guilt? Or is it a simple desire to be accepted in a way by a person who influenced both directly and indirectly the man you now love? I just don’t know.
As I have been trying to make my way forward, letting go of cords as I discover them, altering habits as I know they are unhealthy, making better choices and learning to evolve – I am struggling with implications of allowing this sort of contact – because I am so much healthier and happier without any connection to my old life.
I was blessed not to have children with Reggie – else I would have had to come to terms with him being in my life as their father despite what my wishes for myself would be.
I asked around to my divorced friends, “If you had not had children with your ex… would you still want him in your life in any capacity?”
Hands down the answer has been “no”.
If this is a quest for Bliss, and I am honest, I must truthfully admit – I have no desire to see him, be friends with him, hear about him, or have contact. My evolution and strength has flourished in leaps and bounds without him and I am profoundly grateful for my freedom. I can, after these years, honestly wish him and his own well –without animosity as I am now free to gain a foothold on my own life. But despite being able to graciously say, “I wish you and yours well.” I am under no obligation to allow him and his a place in my own sanctuary.
That being said, I have never had an issue with you, Amy. No ill feelings or thoughts. So I feel I have no reason to distrust you or judge you based on as his actions as his choices were his entirely.
And so my inner conversation goes round and around leaving me with no other recourse but to act on my own judgment.
Which is to say,
I hereby welcome you to the BlissQuest, Amy. May your search for Bliss be fruitful and fulfilling. May you find here, a kindred traveler of paths – as per your particular case, it is far more similar to mine than most peoples will ever be because we share a common thread.
I wish you welcome, Amy, and a life of empowerment and beauty. I hope that you are strong and wise and all that I was not.
Welcome to the BlissQuest, Amy. The quest itself is not always pretty or even predictable. It’s often tragic and frequently amusing (usually at the expense of my dignity). It is hollowing and filling and often surprising. It is rarely ever what I expect but usually what I need. It is troublesome and discouraging and immensely rewarding.
So, Amy, in short, I welcome you to the evolution which in its own way has become a Revolution. Maybe someday when we’re both a hundred we can sit over some bourbons and have a good guffaw about that one time -way back when – when our paths crossed fatefully, because of some dude who used to look good in knickers.
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