I’ve been emailing this guy I met on-line for almost two weeks. I’ve enjoyed his email, the links to his work, the way he dialogs. I’ve liked a lot about him and to boot his pictures have been cute so I’ve been looking forward to my inbox and finding a strange disappointment when there’s not an email. I thought I was making a connection and he even commented on the blog a couple of times.
I would have kept this correspondence non-public if it weren’t for the potential dangers of having a secret like this for a personality that is as public as mine. In short, I’d feel a whole lot safer as a very public and single woman with this is in the light of day. As you guys probably recall, I put up an open invite to Backstage last week. Suddenly, as of tonight –
“Hello Athena,
Since you are so good at being honest and baring your world to the world. It seems fair that I should do the same, at least to you.
I followed your blog and showed up at Backstage last week.
I wasn’t sure who you were, so I didn’t say hi…however, the one person I thought you were was with a man who had long dark hair in a ponytail. So, of course I thought it was probably Grace.
Yep. I’m admitting to spying. And I’m also thinking if that was you, there is much work to be done with Grace yet. I’m not so sure you’re really ready to move on. If that wasn’t you…then I am mistaken and I apologize.
So consider this a real world check in.”
I responded.
“Shane,
I appreciate the honesty.
However, as you probably suspected what you have told me – totally skeeves me out.
Not because you spied but because you assume to know me when you clearly do not know me at all.
The part that skeeves me out is your assumption of my company, and the worst of it is your assumption of my availability and emotional readiness when A) You weren’t sure who I was B) Didn’t come up to ask or introduce yourself to be SURE of your assumption and C) You assume you know me and my emotional state when you didn’t even have the balls to introduce yourself and see who and what I actually am.
All of those assumptions are sketchy at best and creepy at worst.
For the record. The back four dining tables were part of my group along with the snookers table and one of the pool tables. I was wearing a white dress red cowgirl boots and I wandered around a lot with a camera – and the 30 or so people in the back half of the bar were all together as we were jointly celebrating my friend Jason’s last week of being a bachelor. My “man who had long dark hair in a ponytail” was none other than my very dear friend Jordan -who is as far from the temperament of Grace as perhaps a tiger to a fish.
Do you even realize how presumptuous this sounds? “And I’m also thinking if that was you, there is much work to be done with Grace yet. I’m not so sure you’re really ready to move on. If that wasn’t you…then I am mistaken and I apologize.” How righteous and belittling and on top of that to not even be sure it was me? To not even have the courage to say hello and find out? Furthermore to drop an email and still not ASK!?
And then for YOU to tell ME I’m not ready to move on… move on from what? And who the fuck do you think you are to make claims about my readiness? Have you actually talked to me? Have you gone out with me before or been a confidant to me? Who are you to make that call?
So, Shane, in short, your “built in apology” is as lame as Grace’s was. Your assumptions prove your cowardice and I am sick to fucking death of the men who try to enter my sphere of reference making wild left field fly ball assumptions and not having the fucking courtesy to at least ASK ME a simple question before making it a “fact” and then adding an IF “then I am mistaken and I apologize.”
Yes, you were mistaken. I was with my friend Jordan, and a dozen others. You judged my company wrong. You judged my emotional state wrong. You judged me wrongly. Then promptly repeated precisely the same behavior that Grace exhibited. I don’t know what all that is about but I don’t want it anywhere near me.
Good bye, Shane. I will not be meeting you next Monday. Good luck.
-Athena”
Seriously, folks, I feel like I can’t catch a fucking break this last two weeks. I get a couple of weeks of sweet make out and excitement and waking up – and this is what I get to wake up to?
While I logically know he means no harm, that it was just a little spying. Harmlessly. I cannot help but be totally freaked out that someone can make such huge, HUGE assumptions as though it were nothing. That smacks of dangerous and throws up red flags of the sort that were EE Cummings posts awhile back.
Logically knowing it’s harmless and having it also simultaneously coincide with Amy’s commentary and continual emails and fallout about Grace – I am definitely feeling WAY VULNERABLE this week. I feel exposed like I haven’t felt in years and I find myself flinching as I come around corners, and jumping at everything.
Dude, bad timing to mention spying. Bad Timing.
Maybe I’m over-reacting but after everything that has happened in the last week – I finally feel entitled to lose my shit over something.
UNCLE! I fucking cry UNCLE!
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