Finally, a diagnosis.

A lot has been going on lately. Much of which I’ve been trying to decide whether or not to talk about it publicly. Ultimately, after texts and emails from folks asking why I haven’t been blogging, I decided that I should probably at least clear the air.

I’ve been having some personal medical issues. I generally don’t blog about my health unless I’m mentioning it in passing or focusing on the healthier aspects such as Boot Camp. Mostly, I just don’t want to worry anyone needlessly or put energy out in the Universe that is full of fear or unhappiness. Also, I have not been wanting to blog about it because, if I do – it somehow makes it more real and less theoretical.

That being said, I also know this particular issue is directly related to the quest for bliss and as I’ve been diagnosed and started looking for answers, information and news on the interwebs – I’ve found very little practical advice or even much useful discussion.

Therefore I’ve decided that I will go ahead and blog about it in hopes that I can shed light on a rarely talked about female condition.

My upfront disclaimers are such: The blogging about my health is only a perspective. It is not meant to diagnose or encourage any form of treatment for women with similar situations. Furthermore, I reserve the right to choose a method of treatment for myself that suits my own needs – whether that is considered mainstream or untraditional. This is my personal choice.

From here forward if you are a squeamish man, I suggest you stop reading. The following diagnosis is directly related to female reproductive systems. Not typically every man’s cup of tea.

So here we go.

I have been diagnosed with Advanced Endometriosis and Uterine Fibroids.

For the record, I do not agree with the Endometriosis (perhaps denial) Whatever the case, the ultrasounds have revealed severe abnormalities in my ovaries. The left ovary is significantly enlarged and painful.

My Uterus is also significantly enlarged and painful (cramping and bloating even when I’m not bleeding), collapsing downward and lilting my cervix awkwardly. The fibroids present in clusters, the largest only being about the size of a walnut (which I am affectionately naming “nugget”).

The ultrasound set off a hemorrhage that lasted three days and left me on bed rest bleeding profusely followed by another week of mild but consistent blood loss of which I struggle with on a daily basis despite being on a high level of hormones – therefore I am hormonal and exhausted from mineral loss, blood loss, and blood fatigue.

However, the prognosis is good. It terms of the fibroids, that’s a relatively easy fix. The larger difficulty lies specifically in the ovaries. To which the doctor says the most common treatment is a hysterectomy.

I reject this concept. I’m not ready to give anything up without knowing I have no other option, but the treatment up until that point is a flimsy plan at best.

So I got a second opinion, and her professional belief is that it is all mostly hormone related due to having my thyroid largely untreated at capacity for so long and between thyroid and hormone treatments she believes that the fibroids will have shrunk significantly and more desperate surgeries can be avoided. She also believes that it would not have become noticeable as soon if I hadn’t started boot camp – she credits boot camp and my attempt to get healthier with earlier detection.

However, she has asked me to discontinue any lifting. More on this later.

So all this blog is to say, is that with everything going on right now I am emotionally/physically and mentally exhausted. Sometimes too tired to make it up the stairs to my apartment without using the rail – thusly, I have very little energy left over for anything but work/home/sleep/work.

There is good news. When the hormones take to my system and my thyroid treatments are stabilized – there will be equilibrium wherein we can assess more of the options.

In the grand scheme of things it’s not a huge deal and it is very treatable. Mostly it’s just painful and inconvenient. .. and embarrassing (as I can bleed through a super plus tampon and a super pad and through my pants in 20 minutes in a meeting at work – and have to rush out of an appointment and speed home – it sorta sucks a lot on days like that) Not to mention the not being able to stand up without flinching or whimpering on days I’m cramping.

I weeble-wobbled a lot on whether or not to even talk about this, but what swayed me the most is that I have been searching the internet for good information/treatment/ideas/stories/options and I’m pretty much coming up with blanks. No one is really talking about it.

No one is talking about the mind job it does to you when you think that you might never be able to have children. No one is talking about having to keep a duffle bag in your car at all times with emergency clothes. Or chewing twice the amount of Midol to get through a day at work.

No one is talking about what it’s like to lay on a table in a day hospital room while the tech does an ultrasound in the most tender of tender places and sets off a hemorrhage wherein you lose nearly a pint of blood in one day and another in the next two days. No one talks about how scary that is.

So I’m going to talk about it.

But there is also levity. There are moments of hilarity, as usual at the expense of my dignity. There are silver linings and rainbows – and I intend to show that as well.

I intend to talk about how the last three months have seen a total re-evaluation of my desires for my future. How the sudden fear of losing my female reproductive organs has had me sitting and thinking about my desire to one day be a mother.

My follow up is scheduled for August. My Doctor is putting me in for another round of ultrasounds internally and externally as well as biopsies in the fibroids growing in my breasts. So that gives me until August to prove that I can mostly fix this by myself. Which I intend to do.

In the meantime I asked my doctor;

“Can I please have a copy of my ultrasound?”

“Uhm…” She looked confused.

“You know, of “nugget”, so I can post it on my refrigerator?”

She looked mildly horrified and not at all amused. How then could I possibly tell her that I already knew due to the strange nature of my fibroid conception that Fox Mulder was the father of my alien baby?

So obviously, it’s not all bad if I can claim an X-files love child, right? But I guess the best news so far is that we finally have a diagnosis for problems that have been going on faaarrr too long – which means – now we can come up with an actual plan.

Stay tuned for the plan.